When my experience defies conventional thought, I write a book…

I’m a Published Author!

So, what’s it like to be the first-time author of a full-length book?

Just as everything that happened after my husband Sam died was so unexpected, the same is true of having completed and published To Sam, With Love. Yes, I felt a sense of victory after finishing the first draft. That was certainly expected. But I thought the piece de resistance would be in seeing the book in print for the first time, in finding my name on the cover, and in clutching the tangible manifestation of the published work.

But upon finally laying my eyes on the first copy, I felt very little. I guess the time for glory had passed. Or maybe it was never in the cards to begin with. After all, having lost my Sam, I’d learned a lot about what really matters. Suddenly the true meaning lay in the hopefulness that comes from wondering if the book will achieve its goal of helping other surviving spouses to grieve optimistically, while entertaining possibilities for a happy and meaningful future.

So, receiving the first hardcover copy of To Sam, With Love proved a bit of a letdown. So what? The real payoff will come from finding out what other grieving survivors thought after reading the book. That is, if the commentary is mostly positive. I pray it will be. There is a deep satisfaction in possessing the ability to help people suffering through some of the worst that life can throw at them. Finding oneself experiencing profound grief as a surviving spouse certainly fits the bill.

Let’s see if I do indeed possess that ability. Let’s see if my desire to help bears fruit. And something just occurred to me. If To Sam, With Love proves helpful to other survivors grieving for the loss of their spouses, it would be one more way in which my Sam’s death caused good things to happen.

You see, in losing Sam I’ve grown as a human being by honoring his memory. At the same time, I’ve learned the value in discovering positive outcomes resulting from his death.

But what if my book isn’t as helpful as I hope it will be? What if my experience after losing Sam is more of a one-off, with little universal relatability? Or what if my life after Sam’s death does indeed have the potential to serve as a model for other surviving spouses, but I failed to deliver the message effectively? That, my friends, is the subject of another installment.

Suffice it to say, I’m still finding out what it’s like to be a first-time book author. I’m pretty sure I’ll be letting you know how it all turns out. Wish me luck! The well-being of surviving spouses and the nature of their grief may depend on it!